Pivotal Times in our Lives
It seems to me that mostly we don’t examine the circumstances of our lives very deeply. We know our circumstances bring us pleasure and pain, stress and fulﬁllment, health and sickness. But the question of how these circumstances come to us usually goes unanswered. We tend to assume chance and luck play a major role and sometimes our eﬀorts pay oﬀ positively and sometimes they don’t depending on chance and luck. So we buy insurance to fortify our mental stability for the pivotal times, that we know, are going to come.
I don’t buy this way of thinking. I believe everything and everyone you see in your world; you materialized with your mind or at least have given your consent to that circumstance and its consequences. I’ve recently went through a life altering set of experiences which drove me further inside myself for answers. Most everyone could beneﬁt from a little more introspection, but for me getting out of myself and living on the surface is what I have trouble with. But I found when I can make it to the surface, like writing this story, I bring with me a lot of power. Soo I’ll start by posting the circumstance that started my pivotal time and add the thoughts which went on in my mind from this experience;
I was running my team of horses into the woods to pick up ﬁrewood for my stepdad with a two wheeled cart and trailer hitched to the cart. I stopped the horses at a pile of wood my stepdad had cut and split and I ﬁlled up the trailer. But before I could get back into the cart, the horses started running. I ran to the cart and threw myself onto the ﬂoor as the horses galloped across a ﬁeld. I tried to grab hold of the reins to stop them from running but I was being bounced around so badly that I couldn’t even stand up to get hold of them. Then as I felt myself being being thrown from the cart, everything slowed down and came to a complete stop. I got up from the ﬂoor of the cart to see the horses had turned into the woods and were caught up in the trees. I wasn’t hurt and the horses were alright as well. I became aware of the fact that my life, as I knew it, was taken out of my control and in that split second was given back to me by God. I had eaten all my negative karma and was able to continue to be who I am. I was also aware that every person who I relate to in this world was also changed by this experience I’ve spent my life working with horses so it wasn’t lack of knowledge or ability that caused this incident. The horses I was using were my mom’s riding horses but both of them have had experience in harness. I put a lot of time and energy into training them to pull this cart with a small load of wood. Some days they would pay attention and get the job done, but then on other days, for no reason I could ﬁgure out, they would act crazy and cause everyone involved, including themselves, a lot of suﬀering. So if what I said about your mind materializing all of your circumstances, then at some point I must have given my consent to this circumstance that could have crippled me or even killed me. I believe there are only two ways that pain and suﬀering can enter your life. The ﬁrst way is through your own karma. If you have caused pain and suﬀering in someone else’s life, then eventually it will materialize in your life. But I am very careful about not hurting, cheating, or otherwise doing anything to someone I didn’t want to see happen to me. The second way of bringing pain and suﬀering into your life is by opening up to people who have brought pain and suﬀering into other people’s lives. This is how most of us give our consent to pain and suﬀering. For example, how do you earn your money. Are the people you work for honest or greedy, have they hurt other people to get the money they are paying you (if you work for the government, you ﬁt into this category) or do you work for yourself and try to take as much as you can and give back as little as possible? I think you get the idea. The result is a reservoir of bad karma that ﬁlters down through the economy and materializes in the lives of the people who can’t pass it down fast enough to the next person below them. As a result just about all of our relationships are winner-loser games. Nobody wants to be the victim and have this bad karma materialize in their lives. I once saw a
movie where a bunch of guys were playing cards for money and the narrator of the story said that when you play cards you should look around the table and ﬁnd the victim but if you don’t see him then the victim is you. Because there is always a victim in just about every interaction. Love is the only interaction where there is no victim. But in order to love you have to put somebody or something above your own fears and we all know, nobody does that.
The answer to this game playing, winner loser , victim problem is awareness. Some people think the answer is to make more money through intellectual endeavors. Other people think force and control are the answer. Both these options requires victims which increases the bad karma reservoir. You have to be aware of the fact that the answer does not lie at the top of the socioeconomic ladder. You have to stop clawing your way to the top at the expense of the weaker minds in our cultural and let yourself experience the pain and suﬀering that is happening at the bottom. Oh I almost forgot, you have to deal with all the hardship you ﬁnd there with a good attitude. You say why would anyone in their right mind want to do this.
I’ve found that when I didn’t try to make anyone else a victim, I always became the victim. Even other victims of our society turn on you because they are so desperate to pass this bad karma down to someone else. It’s at this point that love ﬁnes you and you enter a higher state of consciousness. You start living your life motivated by love rather than fear. Because the only reality is love and everything else is illusion, but I’ll get into that some other time. Milking cows for a living is one of the lowest level occupations this culture has to oﬀer. You lose all your friends and relatives because you always smell like a cow. You are on call 24/7 because something can go wrong with the cows night or day. Like in the middle of the night you get woken up because the cows have broken out of the fence and are terrorizing the neighborhood. The work is physically grueling and very stressful. And one of the hardest things to deal with after all this hardship is the fact that you don’t make any money. The government controls the price we can sell our milk for and only allows us enough money to be able to get up the next morning and do it again. And sometimes not even enough money to do this. So it’s understandable that it took years for me to deal with this situation with the right attitude.
After a few years my body stopped hurting from the physical work because it got so strong and tough. Then I fell in love with my boss. (my step dad) My relationship with him changed from a parent-child relationship to a guru-disciple relationship. Then an Amish boy came to live with us and help out on the farm. We were both very young at the time but he was brought up from a baby dealing with cows and horses and farm machinery. It got so that whenever I had a problem with anything on the farm he was always there to help me through it. It was like he lived in my mind, so how could I not fall in love with him also. Then I started to relate more deeply with the cows and horses until all of the hardships of living at the poverty level of society didn’t matter anymore. Finally I was dealing with the hardships of our culture with a good head.
So at the time the horses ran away with me, I was living on a pretty high level of conscious awareness. But I was aware of the suﬀering of the people who I related to outside of the farm. And I knew these people were looking for victims to relieve their suﬀering because that was how we are taught by the culture to deal with suﬀering. Now I don’t live in a hole in the woods and catch my own food like an animal. I am a part of this culture which is how my consent is given to the pain and suﬀering
around me and also to the pleasant aspects of the cultural like running this computer. People seem to get better and better at ﬁnding victims to pass their karma onto and I still appear as a victim whenever I have to deal with anyone in our culture. So this is how the pivotal times happen in a person’s life. You become part of a group of people and somehow the most likely victim is identiﬁed. Then by mutual agreement the victim eats as much bad karma as the group can possibly pass on down. This usually results in a pivotal move down the socioeconomic ladder for the victim and a move up for the rest of the group. Here is where awareness comes into play. If a consciously aware person enters a game and becomes the victim, then everyone in the game eats their own karma. In other words if the aware victim doesn’t pivot down the socioeconomic ladder then everyone else in the group will. And as you play these games with the people higher up the ladder then the karma can materialize in sickness, accidents, and even death. So I ﬁgure in this circumstance where I was run away with by the horses, I was playing the victim role where I was experiencing a strong force trying to change the way I related to the world. But there were three very important aspects of this situation that I am aware of and which had a profound eﬀect on the resulting materialization. First oﬀ I live at pretty close to the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder so no matter what there couldn’t be much of a fall. The second factor I am aware of is the fact that as a victim you can’t be made to suﬀer anymore than the bad karma you accrued from your own actions or your karmic debt to the culture. And since I work very hard to produce a healthy product, milk, and it is sold at a price where even poor people can drink it, I have accrued a good karma bank account which I feel came into play in this situation. And third, the reason I jumped on that runaway cart to begin with was because both my mom and I loved those horses and I wasn’t about to let them ruin themselves if I could help it. After this runaway my mom insisted she come with me when I took her horses out into the woods. One day we were riding a wagon with runners through the snow and hit a spot where the ground was bare. This put a lot of strain on the under carriage and the pole the horses were using to pull the wagon sled broke and once again the horses took oﬀ at a gallop but this time my mom and I were left stationary in the wagon. My mom yelled ho but they paid her no mind and galloped into a tree, AGAIN !
So I came to realize that these horses will run if anything goes wrong or if I make any kind of mistake. On this material plain things wear out and people make mistakes so I ﬁgured I had to stop using these horses. But part of who I am involves relating deeply with horses so it looked like at this time in my life I was not going to stay the person I am. When all my choices are bad I just let go of everything and wait until something materializes in my life that I can live with. So this was the state these circumstances brought me to at this time. Then one day the area shopper came in the mail, (a paper full of ads people pay to sell whatever they want) and I found a pair of Belgium mules for sale. Now I knew nothing about mules but I did know about Belgium draft horses which I liked working with very much. So we went about 60 miles to look at them and I loved the way they looked after seeing them. After ground driving them I ﬁgured I would be able to work with them, so we bought them right on the spot. A day later I caught the ﬂu and got very sick. After about a week of feeling sick and not eating, I started to get a bad headache. At this point my mom was really
starting to worry about me and tried to ﬁnd a doctor who would see me. I never go to doctors so I didn’t have my own and I found out they are reluctant to see anyone new. Well I remember my last conscious thought was, “I don’t want to die.” I just stopped relating to the world and watched it carry on without me. It seems that my mom was being animated to break through the resistance of the medical profession to ignore me and ﬁnally got an appointment for me to see a doctor. So I found myself in front of a doctor who didn’t really seem to know what was happening but did give me a prescription for the ﬂu and sent me home. But I didn’t improve and had lost a lot of weight and ﬁgured this was my pivotal time from life to death. However , before I kicked oﬀ we got a call from the doctor wanting to know how I was doing. From what I understand this never happens. So my mom told the doctor if anything I was getting worse, so the doctor prescribed penicillin. My mom rushed out to ﬁll the prescription and immediately the headache stopped and I started getting better. It seems I had an infected tooth that was aggravated by the ﬂu and caused the infection to travel to my brain. Soo I wasn’t going to die but I still wondered if I was going to fully recover and continue being the person I was before this new incident.
Well I did fully recover and the mules turned out to be more than I could have imagined. I am relating to these mules deeper than I ever did to any of the horses
I’ve worked with. I have to say that my pivotal moment brought me to a higher consciousness level than where I was before these circumstances came into my life. I think it’s very important what we attach ourselves to in this world because these pivotal moments come for all of us and if love isn’t a part of your equation then through pain and suﬀering you will ﬁnd out that love is the only reality and everything else is illusion.