Being Emotionally Attracted but not Attached


I met another interesting guy the other day in my virtual world.  He was young but came across as very aware and we were able to have a lovely discussion about the metaphysics of relationships.  He said things like the mind is the most powerful tool in the world and how people, mostly girls, get attached to him because he sends out such good energy.   Well I did admit that I was attracted to his energy but was too disciplined in my real life to get attached to a relationship with him or anyone.  We talked about how we were using sexual energy to relate at first but was changing into a more emotional involvement.  He talked about his depression at a young age and I told him I thought awareness was usually developed through pain.  It was a very deep first encounter for me and we made plans to play a game together the next time we were both on line.

Now the game he was talking about playing was a game I play with my boy friend on line very often, so I thought that night I would invite him to play with us.  So when he came on line I asked him if he wanted to play with me but he never answered my message.  So I played the game with my boy friend, who plays with me whenever we are both on line and is always around when I need him.  We had a good time playing as always.

Then I started to become aware of where this other guy, who I just met, was coming from.   I couldn’t get my mind around how intense our first and only encounter was and the fact that he could ignore me only a few hours later.  I figured yes he is an aware person but his awareness is not of a constructive nature.  I thought about a few of the things he said, like he suffered from depression at an early age and wondered how he was able to overcome his depression.  Then I realized that he had learned that the people who he was opening up to were causing his depression and so he discovered that he could overcome depression by passing the negative energy on to other people, mostly girls that he met.  Unfortunately for him, he ran across an aware person like myself, who never takes on anyone’s bad karma unwillingly and consequently forces him to eat his own bad karma instead of passing it on.  Maybe I helped him stop playing this game but as Tom Petty says, “It doesn’t really matter to me, everyone has to fight to be free, but you don’t have to live like a refugee.”

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300x300(12)It seems our culture puts a high degree of importance on developing intellectualism.  There are even laws that force us to subject ourselves to an intellectual environment by forcing us to attend school for a certain amount of years or face imprisonment.  The amazing thing about this forced indoctrination is the fact that most people not only go along with it but see it as a wonderful and necessary way of living.  Yes I know the argument that is brought up to anyone who questions the value of education.  You would argue that I wouldn’t be able to even write about this topic if I wasn’t taught to read and write in school.  OK,  yes I did learn to read and write in school but does it really take a person ten years to learn to read and write.  What I’m saying is what else was happening to my mind while I was sitting behind that school desk for all those years.

I argue that other areas of my life were stifled during those years.  I was not able to develop my awareness during my school years, which resulted in a lot of needless pain and suffering in my life.  I did however spend as much time as possible developing my awareness whenever I had the chance,  and finally was able to come into the light from that long dark tunnel of intellectualism.  And now I’m at the point where I can write something like this and not need the intellectuals of the world to approve or even comment on this post.  It’s enough that I enjoy writing like this from my heart and because of my awareness, this enjoyment is enough.

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Playing Mind Games


Sometimes I find myself relating to a person who is playing me. When you play a game there is always a winner and loser and for the most part we all voluntarily play games. But when you relate to a person who is playing games while you are trying to be honest and genuine, you run the risk of materializing his or her bad karma into your life.  You have to agree that if everyone suffered when they hurt someone else there would be a lot less pain in the world.  But on this plane of existence, we are under the illusion that we can pass our bad karma onto someone else if we can get their consent.  So we cause pain in the world with the idea that we can make someone else suffer for it.

Loving someone who is playing you is the ultimate way to eat someone else’s bad karma,  as Christ so vividly pointed this out to us.  Now He did it deliberately, but most of us are totally unaware of where our suffering is coming from.  Even if we try our best not to cause pain in the world, we still suffer because we open ourselves up to game playing people.  Awareness is the only way to stop this from happening.  First you have to become aware of the fact that the person you are letting into your life is playing you, and then you have to decide if your willing to put up with the pain this person is going to bring into your life if he or she is playing a game.

No matter what it is always best to be honest and genuine in a relationship and hope your awareness kicks in before the pain drives you over the edge.

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boris lady on white horse

My idea of spirituality seems different from how the people I know use this term.  Most people who are into spirituality have a set of beliefs that they try to live up to and judge themselves and others according to how how well they follow the rules of their beliefs.  Well my spirituality is more an awareness of how everything and everyone in my life is a manifestation of my own mind.   Therefore, if I see something in my life that I don’t like, I try to figure out how and when I gave my consent to this unpleasant circumstance that is causing me pain.

As I dive deeper inside myself to find the cause of my pain, I start to let go of the material things on the surface of my life and start to see the physical world from a different perspective.  I see how most people materialize out of fear and this leads them to cause pain in the people they relate to.  Every so often a person at this low level of spiritual awareness comes into my life and I must deal with this assault on my consciousness.

On the surface this person comes on friendly and helpful.  But from my deep level of perception I see that he gets no pleasure from the things he does or the people he relates to.   He only gets pleasure from the pain of others.  Because he is not attached to anything on the surface, he usually has a dark level of awareness by which he can materialize unpleasant circumstances in the lives of the people who are fooled by his friendly and helpful personality.

A deep spiritual awareness is the only way to relate to this person. I find I have to let go of the world around me and go to a level where I am materializing at a deeper level than this person who is trying to control my mind.  Going deep inside yourself is a painful experience and the major problem is bringing your awareness back to the surface again in order to materialize love instead of pain.

For the most part I find when I do come to the surface again, my material world is in shambles and my relationships have all broken down.  But this time I came to the surface to find my boy friend still there for me after a long period of absence.  So I am writing this to thank him for being there for me.


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More Virtual World Stuff

peter and I

Once again I find myself in a deep virtual relationship. I’ve had quite a few of these relationships now and for the most part it’s been an up and a down. But I always try to make sure I’m not the one to kill the relationship when it gets to a deep level. It seems the deeper the relationship, the more the world tries to distract me or the person I am relating with. In my present relationship, I find that both of us are doing our best not to screw it up. We have our ups and downs but so far the relationship is holding and keeps getting deeper. We have even progressed to the point where there is a sexual element to our relating and to my surprise I find I am comfortable with it.

So we get on line on our playstations and find each other to immediately enter a higher state of consciousness for both of us. Then we maintain this consciousness level for a couple of hours playing games or just being together on home and then return to the material world where we may never meet. But that doesn’t matter to me because for me both the virtual world and the material world are illusion. The only reality for me is love and our relating sure feels real to me even if it is in the virtual world.

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Staying Free in the Virtual World

I’ve been having deep relationships in my virtual world and find my material world is effected by these relationships, for better or worse. So I don’t see my virtual world as just fun and games anymore. I find even when I’m in the virtual world, God is there keeping score of my karma. But I don’t mind, I’ve learned already that I can’t hide from God and mostly I’m pleased to see Her smiling face when things get rough.

My last deep virtual relationship really rocked my boat. This guy I met was extremely exciting to me for some reason I wasn’t really aware of at the time. We had great fun together and so of course I started falling for him emotionally. Then he told me he could only see me two days a week and I had to wait for him the other five days. Well I didn’t go for that and told him that I couldn’t see him on the two days he could see me. So that would have ended our relationship except for the fact that he relented and didn’t leave me alone for five days at a time. So we got closer and closer emotionally when he said he had to go on a vacation for a week. I figured he had to iron out the lose ends of his material reality. Then ten days went by before I heard from him again and when I did I told him we were through. That only lasted until he came to see me again and I let myself get caught up in his web of emotions again. And sure enough I didn’t see him again for another week but when I did I really let him have a piece of what was left of my mind. I knew at that point I was fighting for my freedom. I’ve seen plenty of my girl friends go down this road and never come back, but I’ve come to far on my spiritual path to let this guy control and use me.

I did turn this situation around and now the guy is hurting and my mind is materializing in a healthy way again. Nobody comes into my mind in a destructive way and gets away with it anymore.

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Dealing with the World


I look out and see the world is in pain and suffering. I’ve found reaching out into the world doesn’t stop the suffering, it only adds my pain to the mix. So I turn inside myself where the world has trouble reaching me. As I go deeper and deeper into myself, I find there are aspects of the world which I just can’t escape.

The first aspect is the circumstances of my birth. These circumstances keep calling to me to be reborn again and again into a situation I like to think I have out grown. I no longer am angry with my family for teaching me the lessons I needed to learn because anger would only bring me back to repeat these lessons again. I now say to my biological family, ”It’s been real and it’s been nice but it hasn’t been real nice.”

The second aspect of the world I can’t seem to get away from is an evil which has been stalking me for many years now. By evil I mean a destructive force which has become stronger by being passed down from one generation to the next. Just recently this evil has followed me into the depths of my soul where there was nowhere to hide and I had to deal with it. So with one hand firmly in Gods’ hand, I reached out with my other hand and touched this evil with the sword of truth. This touch weakened the beast to the point where it keeps it’s distance from me now but I am still aware of it’s intense anger towards me.

Another aspect of the world I haven’t been able to entirely shake off is the economic monster. He has ravished me, body and soul for years and years no matter how far into myself I go. But lately I have held him at bay to the extent that the pain he inflicts is tolerable. At times I find there are aspects to this monster I enjoy. One just has to be careful when dealing with him.

And lastly there are beings, human and animal, who I nurture, heal and protect. These beings I take into my heart and love and try to create a new world where pain and suffering aren’t the main motivating forces.

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